Welcome Home

Tonight was Frankie’s welcome home party. It went pretty well as far as these things go. Bennett’s gift bags were a smash (some were smashed, most were used for smashing... heads, teeth - see below) and luckily my stripper went over real well. She cost a little more but, she was right, that third breast was worth it.

There were some run-of-the-mill fights...Ginger vs. Mary Anne...better toilet wine Attica vs. Sing Sing etc...After a few bottles of Tequila, two guys started arguing about whether light was a particle or a wave.

Now, there’s only one rule at these parties...if you lose teeth, blood, or break a bone in a fight you drink free for a week. Just when it looked like the particle guy was going to take advantage of the rule (the wave guy was very convincing with a broken bottle) Georgie came tumbling in from the back room followed by Frankie. Frankie was looking for blood and spitting fire. Georgie was bleeding and spitting teeth. Sweety had some of the guys get Frankie out of there because of his parole issues, and the main event ended as quickly as it began. Still, I didn’t think that was any way for family to treat each other... did I mention that Frankie and Georgie are related? Yeah, Georgie is Frankie’s aunt.

Turns out Aunt Georgie had been picking fights all night so she could drink for free, and Frankie got pissed off because he felt she was violating the spirit of the rule.

Everything turned out OK though. Frankie was long gone by the time the cops showed, and Aunt Georgie didn’t press charges ‘cause she just snapped her lost teeth back in (she was smart enough to wear her “party” teeth) and she’s drinking free for the week.

All-in-all a successful if highly ironic evening. The only downside is we never did find out if light is a wave or a particle.

How She Became Miss Ex.

Due to popular demand (well only one person asked...but she is pretty popular) I’m going to explain what happened between me and Miss Ex. I haven’t discussed this in public yet but like they say you have to own your pain...denial is not just a river in Egypt...is it hot in here or is it just you...or some such cliche.
I came home one day and she was gone along with half our stuff. I found a note that said “get electricity turned on, call cable guy, send out change of address cards”. Turns out she left her “to do” list instead of a “Dear John” note. That’s so her and exactly the kind of thing I love about her. By the way, it got the job done just as well.
A couple days later I got the actual good bye letter. Turns out her shrink encouraged her to leave. He said she was concentrating on her relationship to the detriment of her career.
He’s kind of a shrink to the Broadway stars. One of the walls of his waiting room is covered with head shots of people he has treated. Kind of like a theater neurotics hall of fame or a dry cleaners. Bennett has auditioned for him for years. He tried bed wetting, touched by a creepy uncle...nothing.
When this doctor agreed to start seeing Miss Ex. we celebrated like she just won a Tony...all night, over and over if you catch my drift. Right then I thought this guy was the greatest doctor since Julius Erving.
Anyway, in the letter she said she didn’t want to leave but if her career didn’t pick up soon she was afraid he would drop her. Right then I thought he was more like Doc from “The Love Boat”. Of course, the next week she got a Broadway show...the one where I’m tending bar.
So, to sum up, she’s got a great new career, he’s got another picture for his wall and I’ve got the satisfaction of being a small part of the great Broadway-Therapeutic complex. Win, win, win don’t you think? No denial here.

The Tonys

Well, I just got back from the Tonys and, I have to say, it was a pretty good show. Bennett’s been telling me for years that I have to see it in person to believe it. It’s completely different than what I know from TV and he was right. Being there, you really get sucked into the drama. You really feel like you’re a part of a world that, let’s face it, I can only dream about. Bennett says it’s a life changing event. I don’t know about that. He probably meant that if he could ever be on that stage it would be life changing but, let’s face it, he can probably only dream about that.

What else is going on? Oh yeah, The Tony awards were tonight too. Hey, wait a minute, you guys didn’t think I was talking about that, did you? No, no, I was talking about “The Tonys”. An off-off-off-Broadway show in a church basement where four guys play the four different ages of Tony Danza. The pre-”Taxi” and the “Who’s The Boss?” guys were great. I mean you felt like you were actually in a church basement with Tony Danza. The “Taxi” and post “Who’s The Boss?” guys weren’t quite as good but you still got a really good feel for what it’s like to be Tony Danza which is why we were all there.

Sorry, where was I? Right, the Tony awards. Besides the casts and a some low level agents no one cares except for a few die hards in the “Meat packing” district.